The Dude Society

An Online Magazine for Guys.

10 Signs You Might Be Dressing Like A Douchebag

It can be a slippery slope. One day you might think, “Ok I will just try on one Ed Hardy t-shirt,” and the next thing you know, you’re dressing like a total and complete douche. “But the Jersey Shore is funny!” you might say, and I confess, I do get a kick out of it myself. “They get a lot of girls!” you may exclaim. Of course, but just like when Sarah Palin shot that caribou on TV, the part you don’t see is the caribou, or the girls, getting herded out into the open by TV producers so they can get blasted in the face.

Anyway, it is important to spot the signs of douche-dressing early while there is still time to be saved. I hope if you or a dude you care about has been hit with this terrible Affliction (pun intended), this article will help bring you or him back from the brink.

Now, the top signs you might be dressing like a douche, starting from your head and moving down…

1) The shine of your hair has passed “healthy” and moved into “I just dipped my head in a bucket of armor-all” territory.

2) Your hair is shaved into a pattern of ANY sort, on your head or face.

3) You are wearing rosary beads or any other religious paraphernalia, yet have no religious affiliation, except for praying for forgiveness for bringing home a “grenade” last night.

4) More than your top two shirt buttons are undone.

5) Your shirt has any of the following attached to it: beads, sequins, rivets, pins, gems, rhinestones, studs, metallic paint, or any sort of dragon imagery.

6) You are wearing giant, over-sized bracelets, watches, or rings, that really have absolutely nothing to do with who you are or what you do.

7) Everyone around you can see what kind of underwear you have on.

8) Your pants have any of the following attached to them: beads, sequins, rivets, pins, gems, rhinestones, studs, metallic paint, or any sort of dragon imagery.

9) Your shoes are any of the following: pointy, velvet, snake/croc skin, or unusually large white and clean sneakers.

10) And finally, you are wearing Acqua di Gio cologne or, say it isn’t so… Ed Hardy cologne.

About the author

Jamie is the Founder of The Dude Society and a New York City based web designer & developer. He really likes telling people how to think, act, and dress.

All articles by Jamie »

30 Responses to “10 Signs You Might Be Dressing Like A Douchebag”

  1. katie says:

    Oh no! Thats why I'm attracted to douche bags i like Acua gi Gio hahahahaha

  2. I didn't know you had been in Indiana lately… every. guy. everywhere. Ugh!

  3. Tehrene says:

    Best post EVER. I can always sniff out a douche in Acqua di Gio from a mile away.

  4. Bule says:

    I like how douche has been made an umbrella term to describe a person with stuff u don't have or can't afford. Dude drives a ferrari convertible with the top down – douche, guy wears true religion jeans – douche, guy is muscular and shows a little skin or tight fitting shirt – douche, i could go all day……………………….

    • Jamie says:

      I think some people definitely use the term as a way to hate on people who have shit they want. For example, my friend rented a Ferrari for the day in Vegas, and a couple dudes on the strip yelled "Douche!" We got a laugh out of it. I'm sure when I owned Range Rover, people thought I was a douche sometimes…

      However, when I say I think True Religion jeans are douchey, it's because I think they are. The jeans I wear are right in the same price bracket… but even if they cost $6, I don't want giant horseshoes on my ass.

      If a guy wants to work out and get huge, more power to him. It's not really a look I want, and many girls don't like dudes who are too huge… but whatever, to each their own. If you then cover yourself in a $100 bedazzled t-shirt… I'm gonna laugh at you no matter your size.

      In general, it's less about money and more about taste.

    • Black Dog says:

      Don't go on Bud…got a freekin headache already !

  5. Taylor says:

    LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Great advice for the guys, Jamie.

  6. Chase says:

    I'll admit, I do dress like a douchebag. I'll sport a fauxhawk, wear graphic t-shirts w/ rhinestones and ripped jeans. Sure most people will laugh at me, but it's what I feel confident in, and that's all that matters. Everybody has their own style. Just because somebody's style is different than yours, is no reason to poke fun. And for the record, just because someone dresses like a douchebag, doesn't necessarily mean they are a douchebag.

  7. Troy says:

    Rivets on pants? Really? So wearing a plain ol' pair of Levi's is now douche uniform?

  8. Michelle says:

    What the hell does Acqua Di Gio have to do with it? That cologne smells great!

  9. Jessica says:

    Don't forget the beanie wearing in hot weather while wearing an extra large Obey t-shirt

  10. maybeurdadouche says:

    Ok, so I paid $70 for a bottle of acqua di gio and now I'm a douche because douche bags wear it? OK??

    • Jamie says:

      Not necessarily, but I'd consider a more unique scent :)

      • michael says:

        yes…buy a more unique mass-produced, mass-marketed and mass-consumed scent…smell like 200,000 other guys instead of 500,000….you had me till that moronic comment, douche. that's like the elitest indie kid that listens to shitty bands purely because they're "unique" or obscure and they can say "this is mine, all mine! it sucks… but its MINE! and you dont have it!" do what you want to do, douchey or not, who fuckin cares…jamie, so well-versed in the art of douchebaggery because you sir, are a practicing douche. and you forgot microplaid and button downs with the straps on the shoulders btw…

        • Jamie says:

          Michael- I'm about as far from an indie person as you can possibly get. Perhaps unique is the wrong term, but I'm just suggesting someone goes and finds something less often worn. I am not huge on cologne myself, but I wear some from time to time. Are they mass market brands, sure. However, I have yet to sniff in passing another person wearing the same one… And that's enough for me. That compared to buying whatever might be pushed hard by the chick at the mall at every dude who passes.It's not a cologne, but take something like Axe. Most chick can smell it a mile away.You're exaggerating the point. You also don't know shit about me.

        • Jamie says:

          To get a bit specific, my favorite cologne is probably Burberry Touch. Can it be found all over the place, sure… But it's still far less over-worn than many others.I look back and laugh at high school when we all wore Tommy or Abercrombie cologne. Everyone smelled the same, and we didn't see the issue with that.What do you like?

          • michael says:

            fair enough, and maybe i shouldnt have been so harsh, but late last night when i was reading it it sounded so ridiculous…i get what you're trying to get at as far as doing something/wearing something a little bit different, but at the end of the day you have to be true to yourself. if someone likes acqua di gio, then that's what they like…it's like music or women, you can't really consciously decide what you like, and douche's can't quite help being douchey. i had a friend like this years back that was your typical 90's douche w/ the tommy and nautica and silver chains etc. he'd rag on me for being a punk rock kid, but we grew up together so we were still cool. at about 18 he somehow got into grunge (7-8 years later) and started dying his hair and shopping at hot topic and pac sunwear. he basically went from a mainstream d-bag to a more "unique" kind of d-bag. but a d-bag is a d-bag is a d-bag. and certain products clearly appeal to people on a broader scale because it taps into some primitive unconscious part of our minds or plays on our neurochemistry or whatever else. the cynic that i am, it's hard for me to say this, but just because something is widely consumed doesn't necessarily mean it's not good…the beatles and nirvana are probably my 2 favorite bands…they were pretty big..i'll stop now. and fahrenheit and l'homme libre are what i currently wear…

          • Michael is a douche says:

            Don't get butthurt because you fit the douchebag profile, you definitely seem like one regardless of how you dress. Key characteristic of a douchebag: they' don't think they are douches, souns like you Michael. I can't tell you what a jackass you come off as, man you must be hell to deal with in real life

          • Michael = douche says:

            Michael, you are perhaps the world's biggest douche bag. And stupid. Loudly stupid = douche bag. It matters not what consumables they purchase or what they wear.

          • Troy says:

            Yeah, I'm not too crazy about aquatics like Cool Water or Aqua Di Gio. They are OK, though, and they don't bother me. I don't even mind it at all if I happen to catch a whiff on somebody else. There's a couple of crisp, fresh scents that I live, like "Michael Jordan" (1996). Nothing special about that cologne, but I remember being a kid and using it from my dad's cologne 'collection' (not really a collection, just a slew of different ones my mom had bought him for birthdays, etc.) so I recently picked up a bottle for nostalgic purposes. I can't help it, but I love gourmands or scents that distinguish a fine line between sweet and masculine. I love Fahrenheit. The scent reminds me of a candy store that's on fire. A*Men is another one, a controversial one at that (a love/hate fragrance). I have La Male… it's alright… but I like Givenchy Pi better. I hope 'Santa' brings me a bottle of Pure Malt for Christmas! :P

  11. Roger Mosqueda says:

    I’m guilty of cologne abuse, y’all. I’ll tone it down. It seemed funny at the time, though. I thought it would help with the stink I get from my job. There always seems to be somebody that has to comment on how much I stink after my shift at pizza hut. Personally, I don’t spend my time and energy smelling other dudes’ funk. I put my olfactory senses to work when somebodies cooking something tasty or even smoking something danky. There are those out there that just seem to look for any reason to make a glib remark, though. Am I using that word right, Michael? (glib)

  12. Roger Mosqueda says:

    Thank you very much Jaime for all your hard work. Thanx. The magazine is highly informative and very funny. It’s cool how you handle comments. Thanx again. I’ve been living hairy for 29 yrs. It’s time to trim. I’ve always thought everyone I know would notice if I trimmed and make fun of me. I thought I would get a negative response. I see now that anyone who does so won’t matter when I’m getting that positive response from another.

  13. John q. Public says:

    As far as cologne, I say that unless you are part of the English aristocracy and are wearing cologne that cost more than $50.00, you are a douche. Extra douche points if you buy it from a woman within 100 feet of a makeup counter. Clubman, 6 bucks, any Walgreens, all man all day every day. It was good enough for your grandpa, its good enough for you.

  14. John Q. Public says:

    Also, if you write or read an article called "How to Rock the Stubble Look" you might be a douche! lol

  15. David says:

    Hey everybody Pualy D here and i wanted to tell you that i rammed like 50,000 Italian girls lastt night and its all because of that my pants were already half off also my shirt and a little of Aqcua di gio ,new challenge for new douchebags see if you can ram a girl totaly wasted and style your hair at the same time.

    Guido Pride,
    Pauly D

  16. Black Dog says:

    Freekin charves or scratters we call em in these here parts…they favor the track suit look with white trainers

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