10 Signs You Might Be Dressing Like A Douchebag
It can be a slippery slope. One day you might think, “Ok I will just try on one Ed Hardy t-shirt,” and the next thing you know, you’re dressing like a total and complete douche. “But the Jersey Shore is funny!” you might say, and I confess, I do get a kick out of it myself. “They get a lot of girls!” you may exclaim. Of course, but just like when Sarah Palin shot that caribou on TV, the part you don’t see is the caribou, or the girls, getting herded out into the open by TV producers so they can get blasted in the face.
Anyway, it is important to spot the signs of douche-dressing early while there is still time to be saved. I hope if you or a dude you care about has been hit with this terrible Affliction (pun intended), this article will help bring you or him back from the brink.
Now, the top signs you might be dressing like a douche, starting from your head and moving down…
1) The shine of your hair has passed “healthy” and moved into “I just dipped my head in a bucket of armor-all” territory.
2) Your hair is shaved into a pattern of ANY sort, on your head or face.
3) You are wearing rosary beads or any other religious paraphernalia, yet have no religious affiliation, except for praying for forgiveness for bringing home a “grenade” last night.
4) More than your top two shirt buttons are undone.
5) Your shirt has any of the following attached to it: beads, sequins, rivets, pins, gems, rhinestones, studs, metallic paint, or any sort of dragon imagery.
6) You are wearing giant, over-sized bracelets, watches, or rings, that really have absolutely nothing to do with who you are or what you do.
7) Everyone around you can see what kind of underwear you have on.
8) Your pants have any of the following attached to them: beads, sequins, rivets, pins, gems, rhinestones, studs, metallic paint, or any sort of dragon imagery.
9) Your shoes are any of the following: pointy, velvet, snake/croc skin, or unusually large white and clean sneakers.
10) And finally, you are wearing Acqua di Gio cologne or, say it isn’t so… Ed Hardy cologne.