You have sealed the deal. Another “first time” has come and gone and you did your best to follow our First Time Sex Etiquette rules
. But despite your very best effort, it was not your best performance. In fact, it may have been your Worst. Performance. Ever. Now what?
Good Night Gone Bad
Sex, like everything else, can be a very hit or miss thing, especially when it is your first time with a new partner. You don’t have the comfort level, the inside knowledge of what she likes or doesn’t like, and you aren’t familiar enough with her specific anatomy to be able to necessarily nail it perfectly the first time. Pun intended. This can lead to a less-than-stellar first time roll in the sheets.
The good news? A recent Maxim magazine poll published in the April 2011 issue that gathered input from over 8000 women may give you a little peace of mind. Their poll results indicated that 96% of women would give a guy a second chance even if the sex was bad the first time. That’s awfully nice of us, isn’t it guys? As for the other 4%? If they can’t give you a second chance in the bedroom, imagine what would happen if you left the toilet seat up! You probably are better off not going another round with those girls anyway. There, does your ego feel better?
So what should you do if your first round wasn’t the knockout you were hoping for? There are a few ways you can save face here. First off, don’t act like you didn’t notice it wasn’t great. You don’t have to apologize for your performance, heck, it might have even been her fault that the fireworks weren’t blasting on the first round. But, by acknowledging it in a humorous way, you can help break the tension. At the same time, it lets her know that she should expect better from you the next time and that you plan to deliver.
Secondly, don’t blame her (at least not to her face). Girls are insecure enough when it comes to a first time throw down with a new guy that having you tell her she screwed it up somehow will not go over well Remember that she had no way of knowing that particular thing your ex did with her tongue, fingers, or body that really set you on fire. Assigning blame for a failed first time is not going to be a productive venture. Finding humor in the situation and agreeing the first time can be a little tricky will help break the tension and put you a little more at ease, making the prospect of giving it another try much more appealing.
Want there to be a Next Time?
How should you approach your second attempt? First of all, write off the failed first attempt. You don’t need the added pressure of feeling like you are playing with one strike against you already.
Next, change it up. Don’t just try to do exactly what you did the first time, only better. She has seen the ending of that play already and wasn’t asking for an encore. Get creative! Pick a different location, try a different position, and plan a different pregame. No foreplay last time? Give her extra foreplay this time. Slow and steady last time? Be aggressive and urgent this time. Making it look and feel different from all aspects will help her to look at the experience as a new venture, not a do-over of a lackluster first attempt.
Getting it Right
If you are pulling out all the stops and you are still getting the feeling that you are missing the mark based on her verbal and non-verbal feedback, or lack thereof, there is only one thing to do: Ask her. Just come straight out and ask her what she wants right then and there. I don’t mean you should just say “what the hell do you want?” but asking her something like “what could I do to you right now that would make you so hot?” or something along those lines that let’s her know that you really are focused on pleasing her.
It may be something simple like she wants you to get a little more aggressive with her or something specific like she can only climax if you do XYZ to her. She may also fear that making requests or asking you to do something faster/slower/harder may hurt your feelings or make you feel like you don’t know what you are doing. Most girls are considerate of the male ego, especially when it comes to sex.
The point is that you have nothing to lose at this point. If sex is bad the first time, that’s one thing. If it continues to be bad, that’s something else entirely.
Third Time’s a Charm?
Most girls understand that the first time won’t always rock their world. Most girls are also willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that the second time around can and will be better. But, chances are if it doesn't click with some sort of solid potential the second time, there won’t be a third. Every girl has her limits, especially if this is just a casual relationship. No matter whose fault it might be, if it hasn’t happened by then, chances are it won't be happening again.