Friends with Benefits. Fuck Buddies. No Strings Attached. Call it what you want to, chances are it is going to end up much more complicated that the simple cut-and-dry set up that any of those names imply.
Can it ever really just be that simple? Is there any such thing as a true No Strings Attached sexual relationship with a girl or is it just an urban legend? Something often heard about, fantasized of, and yet ever-elusive. The answer to this is yes and no.
Find the Right Girl
Some girls are simply not wired to function in this type of relationship. Some girls are in denial about this and find out when it is too late that they can’t handle it or want more. That is bad news for a guy who really is looking for just sex. You end up looking like a dick for just wanting her for sex even though that it was she said she wanted as well. It’s a lose/lose situation on that one, guys.
So how do you know if you have picked the right girl for an NSA situation? You don’t. But there are some simple rules of engagement that you two can sort out ahead of actually entering into a sexual relationship that can help you decipher her intentions and the probability of you looking like a dick later down the road.
Rules of Engagement
Entering into a NSA situation haphazardly can result in a messy and disastrous combination of hurt feelings, abrupt cessation of sex, or worse yet, a one-sided desire for a relationship. There has to be an agreed upon set of rules that both you and she are comfortable with and committed to prior to you ever hitting the sheets. This may seem like a buzz kill, but it is best to keep your mission clear.
Your rules of engagement should include agreement on several key issues:
- Intention - If either of you want it to even possibly lead to a relationship, that is a pretty good indicator that this NSA situation is going to get complicated quickly.
- Frequency - The greater the frequency of your hook-ups, the greater the possibility that attachments will develop. In an NSA situation, it is better to keep the contact more sporadic and infrequent than getting a regular schedule or seeing each other multiple times a week because that quickly leads to one or both of you having expectations, which again can muddy the waters.
- Openness - If it really is a true NSA set up, seeing other people should be a non-issue, but it comes down to expectations. How do you two proceed if one or the other or both of you begin seriously dating someone else? Does the NSA action continue? Agreement on these elements of the NSA set up can help you avoid disaster.
Sometimes Things Get a Little Complicated
It is likely that one or both of you will develop an attachment issue. The thought is bound to cross your mind at some point, and it will definitely cross hers. Be prepared.
If she brings up going exclusive or converting it to a “real” relationship and you absolutely don’t want that, tell her so. Be honest and direct. Don’t be vague, tell her straight out that although you enjoy the sex, that is really is all you are interested in. Be understanding if that doesn't work for her and be prepared to walk away. The last thing you want to do is get roped into a situation with expectations of a romantic relationship just because you fear losing your sexual relationship with her.
On the contrary, you may find yourself enjoying her company so much that having her around outside of the bedroom doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Know that bringing this up with her will probably change the entire dynamic of what you two previously shared. It may go splendidly, with her in agreement and the two of you can saunter off towards coupledom. Or she may tell you that she is not interested. It does happen, guys. If she's not interested, accept it for what it is. Either way, keep it classy and don’t pressure her for more than she wants to give you.
Ultimately, No Strings Attached relationships are not meant to last forever. You will eventually find someone else with whom you do want to pursue a relationship. Or your intentions towards each other may change and it will go from a strictly hook-up situation to all the complexities of a real relationship. But in the meantime, happy fucking!