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The Hot And The Ugly: Pros And Cons Of Sex With Your Ex

Your ex is an ex for a reason right? If everything had been paradise, the two of you would still be together, but you aren’t. Clearly there was a problem.

What if the sex was good…  Should you reconnect with your ex for sex?

It may seem like a good idea to bring an ex back into the picture, especially if the sex had always been mind-blowing, but it may be more trouble than it’s worth.  This will not just work like any other “no strings attached” arrangement that you might have had in the past.

The Pros:

  • You already know what you are getting. Unless she has undergone some life-philosophy changing event or developed a personality disorder, chances are if the sex was good before it will still be good
  • You know what turns her on. Unlike starting from zero with a new girl and playing the “this not that” game to figure out what gets her hot, you already have the inside knowledge of what gets this girl off.
  • Without the pressures of the being a couple, sex with her could be better than ever.  You both know that you get to put your clothes on and go your separate ways afterwards with none of the hassle of fighting over whose turn it is to make dinner or let the dog out.

The Cons:

  • There were feelings before, there will probably be feelings again. This isn’t some quick and simple hook up with a random girl from the bar. This is a woman that you have history with. If either of you had strong feelings in your previous situation, the chances of those surfacing again if you hook up now are highly likely.
  • Old grudges die hard.  You broke up for a reason and chances are that whichever of you feels you were wronged during that break up will find some way to voice that grievance during the reunion. Who wants to have a couples fight with someone you are no longer coupled with?
  • You already know what you are getting. Yes, this was a pro as well but in the con regards, reconnecting for sex with an ex my make you feel like the adventure had been taken out of it for you a little. Unlike the excitement of being with someone new for the first time, you may feel like you need to fall back into the sexual routine with her that you had previously.

Reconnecting with an ex for sex can be a win/win set up if you are both coming into it with the same expectations.  It can also get messy and complicated if issues from your previous relationship with her creep in.

My advice? Proceed with caution.

About the author

Lisa, aka Random Girl, is a mild-mannered professional by day, wickedly clever blogger/sex goddess/smartass by night. Lisa has very little internal filtering and is the voice behind Random Girl Blogs. She also makes fantastic chocolate chip cookies.

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3 Responses to “The Hot And The Ugly: Pros And Cons Of Sex With Your Ex”

  1. Wanna know something sad? The sex was SO much better with my ex wife *after* the split. This was before we went our separate bedroom ways, and she *may* have been trying to lure me back with good sex, but wow. She turned into a FREAK!

    Sex with the ex seems to open up the possibility of old problems and old wounds. Sure, the sex is good, but like you said. They got the ax for a reason.

    Can you keep things casual? Keep it from turning into a relationship again? More importantly, keep it from turning ugly? If so, it *might* work, but there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I'd rather do a little swimming…

  2. @katsidhe says:

    I had sex with an ex once, and even though we ended up getting back together and even getting married which is another story altogether, it really wasn't a good idea on my part. I still had feelings and he didn't again (yet), so it made the pining worse.

  3. Yvonne says:

    It will only work if as you said, both of you have the same "no expectations" and can get up and go on with your life as if nothing happened. But that normally never happens.

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