The Dude Society

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First Time Sex Etiquette

There are some basic etiquette rules that are expected to be followed in everyday life. Cover your mouth when you sneeze. Say “excuse me” if you bump into someone. Hold the door for the person walking in behind you.  Those things should be easy enough. So what about the etiquette that should be applied for your first time sexual encounter with a new partner? That can be a bit trickier.

Whether you’ve followed our rules and this is the culmination of a successful series of dates or you just picked up a smokin’ hot blonde from the bar down the street, you’ve played your cards right and it’s going to happen. Here are some things to consider prior to commencing the fun.

First things first

First and most importantly, does one of you have a condom?  To make this easy, just always have condoms on you or readily available. Dudes may not think condoms are very sexy, but they’re very important, for both your sakes. Better to have this figured out before you are hot and bothered and half naked on the living room floor.

Picking the place

Location can be key when it comes to sex, assuming you’re not just gonna go for it in the bathroom of a bar.

If it’s practical, proper first-time sex etiquette would be deferring to the lady as to where she would be most comfortable. Of course if you invited her over to your place for another drink and she’s into it, asking if she would be more comfortable at her place with her teddy bear, might kill the mood. Just make sure your place is ready for her. You could always say “Hey, where do you want to go to fuck?”, but I suggest going with something more subtle. Acting like you’re expecting sex can be a big turn off.

If you end up at your place, you should be a good host. Make sure she is comfortable. As we’ve suggested before, always be ready for female visitors. A little forethought goes a long way. Be it having bottles or water around, or making sure there are clean towels. All of these little things will show her that you want her to be comfortable. The more effort you put into making her comfortable at your place, the more likely it is that she will want to come back to do it all over again.

On the contrary, if you drop her off  at her place and get invited in, there are a few distinct advantages. First of all, her stuff is already there, including all of her fun stuff (lingerie, toys, lube, etc).  Chances are, she has clean sheets on her bed. Girls are historically much more high maintenance, so being at her place with all of her personal items would make it much easier for her to put herself back together afterward if need be.

To state the obvious: being at her place also makes an easy getaway for you… if it’s that type of situation.

Manners of foreplay

When it comes to initiating sex itself, you should let her set the pace of foreplay. This is not to say that you just sit back with your hands in your lap and wait for instructions.  You can show initiative, get a little aggressive, spend some time kissing, focusing on her other sensitive parts, and getting her primed and ready to go.  As a general rule of first time sex etiquette, you can start undressing her and if she encourages you and/or reciprocates, you’re good to go.

Assuming you have made it this far and things are still going in the intended direction, you will probably find yourself in the realm of oral pleasure at this point. Being that each lady is similar yet very different when it comes to both giving and receiving in this department, it is appropriate etiquette to make your intentions clear prior to just going down on her. This can be words or actions.

If you slowly kiss down her neck, and continue past her chest to her stomach- she will know where you’re headed. If for whatever reason she isn’t in the mood for that, she will make it clear. Going slowly is important, because it will give her time to redirect you if she wants. Some women are self-conscious but maybe she just really wants you to fuck her at that point and doesn’t want to bother with anything else. I’m not saying it’s likely that she will pass, but it could happen. It’s a happy ending for you either way and you look good for wanting to please her.

When it comes to receiving oral sex, let your lady decide how long it will take her to get there. Don’t even think about pushing her head down. No girl likes that, many will be downright mad. It is completely OK for you to ask her to do it faster, slower, etc but don’t just demand she deep throat you.  Manners, please.

If you don’t use a condom for oral, which you should, but I understand sometimes it’s not the case, ask before you decide to just go ahead and finish in her mouth.  Some girls are totally fine with that, some freak out about it. Asking might not be seem sexy, but it will save you a lot of potential apologizing afterward. As long as you give adequate, audible warning, your girl can decide how she wants to handle it. Whatever you do, don’t act angry, pissed off, or irritated just because she might not want you shooting your load in her mouth the first time.

Getting it on

Finally, it’s time for the real deal. There are few things as anticipated and exciting as that first thrust.  As covered earlier, etiquette and common sense dictate that the condom would already be handy. No matter how tempting it is, don’t make her insist you put on a condom.  That’s a punk move.

The good news is when it comes to act of intercourse itself; there aren’t many rules of etiquette to be followed.  It is best to let things progress as you both feel comfortable. Unless it’s very clear you’re both on the same page, I would suggest you not try anything kinky or super-complicated the first time out.  You may want to save the swing or the ball gag and hand cuffs combo for the next time. Or maybe not. You never know what type of response you might get if you ask, that’s the beauty of first time sex with a new person. Depending on the type of girl you’re dealing with, use your judgment on what might weird her out. You don’t want to fuck this up on the first try, so sometimes playing it safe is the best choice.

Getting her off

If you don’t get anything else out of this article, other than be safe, make sure this sticks.  It is very poor first time sex etiquette for you to get off and consider sex over.

If your girl has not had the privilege of the same result yet, you need to get creative and help her make it happen.  Mess this one up, and chances are you won’t have to worry about a next time. Even if she can’t climax for whatever reason and calls you off, the fact that you recognize the situation and are enthusiastic about making sure she enjoys herself to the fullest will go far.

As for the aftermath, you are responsible for the condom disposal. Don’t just leave it somewhere in her room for her to find as nice little surprise later.  This would be the perfect time to make sure that she has a towel handy and to give her a moment to gather her clothing items. Offer to assist her in locating her panties if needed, as they have a tendency to get misplaced in all the excitement.

If you’re going to use the bathroom, ask her if she would like to go first. This is good manners in general, but especially when in slightly more exposed circumstances.

Parting ways

Regardless of both of your levels of satisfaction and circumstances, it would be good etiquette at this point to tell her that you had a nice/amazing/interesting time with her. If you would like to do it again sometime, let her know. And then let her decide.

About the author

Lisa, aka Random Girl, is a mild-mannered professional by day, wickedly clever blogger/sex goddess/smartass by night. Lisa has very little internal filtering and is the voice behind Random Girl Blogs. She also makes fantastic chocolate chip cookies.

All articles by Lisa »

12 responses to “First Time Sex Etiquette”

  1. I have found this mantra to work well for me. 'Tis better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Guys, if you're not aggressive, and just wait for her instructions, you'll be seen as a prude. But at the same time, be receptive to your lady's needs.

    With that said, some women are like a damn puzzle in regard to orgasms. If you're doing everything right, even if she doesn't hit the O she will at least have a good experience. I say this, because even before I found out the magic O-button for my current girl (took 2 months) she said the sex was the best she's ever had from day 1. Partly because the was convinced that she COULDN'T have an orgasm, but partly because I followed her cues and gave her what she wanted.

  2. Jamie says:

    I agree that you shouldn't just wait for instructions. I'd say learning how to gauge the proper level of aggression is probably the best thing… because sure you don't want to be a prude, but you don't want to be too aggressive either.

  3. Dr Laila says:

    In addition to being somewhat aggressive or at least go-ahead (everyone wants to feel wanted), note the difference between asking for permission and asking for feedback…. finding the magic O-button (even if she thinks she's incapable of having one) is a bit easier with a wonky GPS than no GPS at all. Ask how it feels! Ask which direction to move, how fast to go, how wet to make it, when to stop, when NEVER to stop, etc. It will pay off, because even if she doesn't have the magic O, she will feel listened to and cared about (which will make the O more likely) and as Spud Slinger said, it could still be the best sex she ever had.

  4. @katsidhe says:

    Another brilliant piece, my darling.~ I love how you hit so many excellent points such as the condom (absolute must!), the disposal of said condom (no gentlemen, we are not so enamored by your spunk that we want to save it on our nightstand), and that the female gets to use the loo first.

  5. Brandi says:

    Damn…I guess I should hide my paddle and underbed restraint system.

    Then again if my next new victim is strapped to my bed and thinks he can get away with getting off when he doesnt help me out as well, I can give him the paddle ;)

  6. This is why I prefer it at his place. Exit strategy. Clean towels, clean sheets go a long way boys. A long way.

    • Lisa_randomgirl says:

      The little things really do go a long way. I would much prefer it at my place because I know beyond a doubt that my sheets are clean and I have everything I need very close at hand. No excuses for anything to suck in a bad way!

  7. Jewels says:

    I don't know how I didn't comment on this right away…but another great post! I laughed out loud at the disposal part…there is nothing worse than finding that in the morning. Ugh! This couldn't be more right. Clean towels, sheets, and a sanitary bathroom are a must! Loved it!

  8. Yvonne Salvatierra says:

    Great, great post! Condom IS a must and no, we don't want "collectibles" for our mantle. lol

  9. sodlan says:

    that really awesome i will follow it

  10. justmewith says:

    Great post. Perhaps (when it next becomes relevant for me) I should print it and put it in a prominent place like the medicine cabinet mirror, or laminate it and use it as a coaster or place mat?

  11. Caroline says:

    I'm always amazed of how little men know about how to pleasure a woman in bed, even in this day and age of information and education. From now on, I'll send this article the next day to every guy that comes and it's done with it, completely oblivious to the fact that I might want to come too! I guess some guys watch so much porn that they might think that all they have to do is to penetrate a woman and she will go crazy!

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