The Dude Society

An Online Magazine for Guys.

“Shut Up And Pull My Hair”

You have all seen the scene unfold. It’s the end of another great date with your lady of the moment. You have chemistry. She has been flirting hard, a subtle arm touch while she tells you how wickedly clever you are. She’s biting her lip, twirling her hair, and maintaining prolonged eye contact.  She is definitely feeling you. You walk her to her door, and lean in to give her a sweet gentle kiss, just the way she wants it right?


If there was one thing I could say that would sum up how most women want to be kissed it would have to, beyond any doubt, be “Shut Up and Pull My Hair!”

That can be taken literally.

Let me break it down for you. It’s about finding the right mix of anticipation and aggression. She has given you the signals, laughed at all your jokes, leaned in close to you, and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. You sir, have been green-lighted. Once you have been green-lighted, it’s time to handle it.

Nothing is sexier to a woman than a man that can take control and make the first move. A woman doesn’t want to have to ask you to kiss her. She wants you to look at her, really look at her, a look that tells her she is about to be in very big trouble. Then she wants you to push her up against the wall and kiss her like you mean it. If she responds favorably, and she most likely will to a kiss like that, keep doing it. And feel free to run your hands through her hair and give it a nice firm, prolonged tug. No really. Do it, please.

It’s that easy, really. A kiss like that leaves no room for ambiguity or shyness. The intentions are clear. Be prepared for a rather enthusiastic response.  Many women long to be kissed like that but so seldom are that when they do, they may lose their mind in the best possible way. You may just get what you are asking for.

That friends, is what the “Shut Up and Pull My Hair” concept is really all about.

I have to put the disclaimer out there that this approach may not be appropriate for all women.  And never, under any circumstances, consider doing this if the green-light moment, as discussed previously, has not arrived.  If she has kept her distance and has not really shown any more interest beyond the point of being polite, do not proceed in this fashion. Also, this could scare the shit out of a meek and mild mannered second-virginity type of lady and I don’t want to be responsible for that. When in doubt or if totally clueless, ask her how she likes to be kissed. It is better to ask and lose a few man points than to just go for it when she isn’t feeling you at all and look like a complete, oblivious ass.

This is a bold move for a man to make. Few women will come right out and tell you this is what they want. Not every man will be brave enough to try it. For those who are, it could offer huge rewards if executed properly. It shows your lady that you are not timid, that you can take control, and that you want her. Really want her. Women love to be wanted. Most women will appreciate and reward your boldness and will see you as a risk taker, and a sexy one at that.

So go ahead, “shut up and pull her hair” already. You can thank me later.

About the author

Lisa, aka Random Girl, is a mild-mannered professional by day, wickedly clever blogger/sex goddess/smartass by night. Lisa has very little internal filtering and is the voice behind Random Girl Blogs. She also makes fantastic chocolate chip cookies.

All articles by Lisa »

12 responses to ““Shut Up And Pull My Hair””

  1. Jewels says:

    Oh, Lisa, how you hit the nail on the head here. I cannot tell you how much it turns me on when a man takes charge of a kiss, or in general. There is nothing worse than being asked, “Can I kiss you?” or “Would it be alright to kiss you now?” or even worse “Was that okay for you?” Ugh! I am a pretty upfront person so if I’m into you I will make it clear…thus…yes I want you to kiss me. Asking me shouldn’t be necessary if you have any social skills. Same goes for “Was that okay for you?” I make it known that what you are doing is working for me by my reactions. Stop being a timid pansy and get in there!! Wonderful article.

  2. From a slightly different point of view, that of a woman who has been married for 17 years, the same rules apply, unless you're fortunate enough to be married to a little temptress who isn't afraid to take a yank at YOUR hair, and then make you say "thank you, ma'am."

  3. Simon says:

    Congratulations on your first piece @thedudesociety

  4. George Pappas says:

    Wonderful post Lisa or should I call you @randomgirlblog.
    I love your honesty. That moment before the first kiss is always difficult to navigate. I agree completely. If too aggressive, you can scare her away. Too timid and she will think you're not interested. I have found sweet compliments, touching her hand, even gently touching her face while looking into her eyes can help before the kiss. But passionate kisses on her lips and neck can also lead to that hair pulling moment you can describe. I think it all comes down to seduction. Let's face it. A lot guys these days have forgotten how to seduce a woman. It all starts in with imagination — making her feel desired and wanted in passionate way without coming across as someone only out for one thing — to get laid. She has feel like she is going on a wonderful sexy journey with you whether it ends up right away in the bedroom or not.

    As for guys, they should always be looking for signs to make their move in her eyes, the way she talks to you and touches you. Women shouldn't be so shy to show those signs either. Makes it easier for everyone involved and can lead to more hair pulling hot moments.
    Love your blog and writing.
    Keep it up.

    George Pappas
    author of novel Monogamy Sucks

    • Thanks for the great comment George. You are exactly right, the art of seduction has been all but lost in the quest for sex. The don't have to be mutually exclusive. And when both people are showing clear intentions of interest, it truly is a win/win situation.

  5. King says:

    And here we have an example of the male equivalent of the mother-whore dichotomy. Consider the ramifications of the advice provided. There indeed are many women who crave this type of interaction. But how many will be convinced that this is what they want, while struggling internally with their own self-image. This course of action may well indicate that the man IS a risk-taker: a fun date (probably an even more fun lay), but ultimately incapable of providing the sense of security and stability so often sought in a long-term relationship. In essence, if a man uses this technique, he is setting himself up to fail with many women by introducing doubt, even though it may be exactly what they both want at the moment. This is the type of attitude promoted as gender equality when it is really causing the schism that exists between woman and man. Too many men have an inflated sense of self, which may be alluring in the moment, but fade gradually and over-time, contributing to higher divorce rates and the stereotyped labels of "narcissist" and "borderline", which have emerged as all too common gender roles in modern society.

  6. AJ nottooshort says:

    a guy once did that to me on our first date. our 8th wedding anniversary is next week.

  7. Angie Uncovered says:

    Amen. Amen. This the best advice I've ever read for men!

  8. Michael says:

    YES! YES! YES! This is exactly what I was talking about! Great post Lisa! Now to share it!

  9. Visitor says:

    Oh my word – no! Not to the grab her hair and pull it bit, but to the 'ask her how she likes to be kissed' bit – I cannot think of a worse passion killer. If you're really not sure, start slow and gentle and build up to the hair pull if she hasn't pushed you away. Never ask. If I was asked how I would like to be kissed, I'm afraid my mind would immediately jump to us being in bed and my being asked at every stage what I liked. Very considerate, yes, but not in the least bit sexy (especially the first time).

  10. Chronic Puller says:

    If she likes it, that's great! If she doesn't, you'll need a lawyer.

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