The Dude Society

An Online Magazine for Guys.

Gentleman Or Prude?

If you ask women about first dates, you’ll hear a variety of responses: “He didn’t kiss me because he’s a gentleman,” “He kissed me but I didn’t want him to,” “He didn’t kiss me so he must not like me,” “He didn’t touch me so he must be a prude,” etc.

Being a gentleman has nothing to do with arbitrarily not doing something. Being a gentleman is about doing the right thing at the right time. You open the door at the right time, you say things at the right time, you call at the right time, and you get physical at the right time.

If you pickup on signs that she’s into you, then it is probably the right time to kiss her or make some other subtle advance. On the other hand, if you don’t think that’s the case, or you can tell she’s a shy kind of girl, then respect that. Both of these make you the gentleman.

The same goes for sex. The fact that people, men and women, make rules about having sex after a certain number of dates is absolutely nuts, and certainly not gentlemanly. Sure buddy, go with your three date rule, and try to nail every girl you go out with on the third date and see how that goes.

Would it work for some? Yeah, probably, but you’ll be none the wiser. If your end game is an actual relationship, as opposed to a fuck buddy, you’re much better off learning to sense the situation and react properly.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

About the author

Jamie is the Founder of The Dude Society and a New York City based web designer & developer. He really likes telling people how to think, act, and dress.

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3 responses to “Gentleman Or Prude?”

  1. Rich Wing says:

    I think the real issue at hand here (besides my apparent decision not to do anything productive today) is having a good read on the signs that she's into you (as you alluded to). Most of the guys I talk to about it aren't sure when it's appropriate to make a move lest we come off looking like shady dudes in trenchcoats. The likely solution is just to acquire more dating experience and confidence as a result. I think the "Shut Up and Pull my hair" article applies here as well.

  2. A gentleman is a patient wolf. ~ Lana Turner.


  3. I agree with this and love what you have said. Relationships are as unique as the people in them and there is no way to create a fool proof time line for physical intimacy– or any other type for that matter. Thanks for this post, you've shared a lot of gentlemen like wisdom :)

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