The Dude Society

An Online Magazine for Guys.

Talk Less About Yourself And Make It About Her

So, here’s a scenario:

You’re on a first, second, or third date. Specifically which date it is doesn’t matter, I’m speaking about the time when you’re still getting to know each other and likely asking a lot of questions.

Say you’re having a drink, maybe talking about what kind of food you both enjoy, and she says something like “Oh, I tried restaurant X last week, it was amazing!”

You’re at a good spot right now

You’re having a good conversation and she is enthusiastic. The natural inclination of many guys, myself included, might be to respond with something like “Yeah, I went to restaurant X with my buddy John, it was really good. He just broke up with his girlfriend so I was trying to cheer him up.”

That is a fine response, technically speaking, but you’ve now shifted her enthusiasm about this restaurant, to a story about yourself and your friend. Speaking for myself, I know for a fact I have done this. It wasn’t intentionally to shift the conversation to me, but the logic in my brain made me want to respond in a way that makes us have something in common, rather than probing her for more information. It might seem logical in your mind, but at the same time, you might kill the conversation.

When she says “Oh, I tried restaurant X last week, it was amazing!”, you might want to say something like “I really liked it too; what did you like best about it?”, or “Yeah it’s great, what did you have?” instead of trying to respond directly to what she was saying with your own story.

Do you see the difference?

This is not about filling every possible second with talking… a little silence isn’t always bad (you can flirt silently). This is about keeping the conversation going by giving her a related, but deeper, question to respond to.

Also, this is a great opportunity to learn more about what she likes. When your next date comes around, maybe you can pick an even more perfect place (without having to ask her where she wants to go).

This is not to say the time to tell your own stories won’t arrive, it will, but you should balance that with showing you want to know her deeper thoughts on things, rather than just the surface facts.

She will enjoy the conversation more, and much more likely to be attracted to you.

About the author

Jamie is the Founder of The Dude Society and a New York City based web designer & developer. He really likes telling people how to think, act, and dress.

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