A Guide To Adjusting Your Junk In Public
In the last week I’ve seen multiple dudes launch into one and two-handed, full on junk adjustments in public. The subway platform, the street corner, no spot is safe from dudes grabbing their equipment or even shoving their hands entirely down their pants.
Yeah, I know it’s hot out during the summer, and stuff tends to get sticky… but (almost) nobody wants to see you playing with your junk in public.
At the same time, I am a dude, so I understand uncomfortable situations do arise (pun intended) and we feel compelled to remedy the situation quickly.
You’re not Michael Jackson or a MLB player, so lets review some basic guidelines for adjusting your twig and berries without looking gross.
Go indirect if possible
Depending the severity of your situation, a through-the-pocket fix might be possible. This is highly preferred as it maintains some plausible deniability if you’re caught.
One hand limit
If you’re going to attempt a junk adjustment in public, there is a strict one hand limit. At least with one free hand you can use it to create a distraction. I saw a guy double-fisting his boys on a street corner, and it was not a pretty sight.
Cross your legs
If you’re sitting, crossing your legs can block direct view of your package while you make the required adjustments. This tactic can work well for school, work, or on the train/bus.
Not in front of ladies
Straight or gay, all dudes have the same equipment and know how it goes… so if you need to adjust your basket in front of some dudes, big f*ckin’ deal. However, if there are any impressionable ladies present, just grin an bare it or find a private spot.
Get to know hand sanitizer
If you’re in the habit of bare handing your balls frequently… you need to clean your hands. Often. That’s practically the same as not washing your hands after using the john…
Preventing the problem…
You may never be able to eliminate the issue… but there are a few things you can do to make your family jewels more comfortable:
- Get new underwear. If you’re still wearing giant, bunchy boxer shorts, it is time to upgrade. If you have giant boxers, it’s no wonder you’re fussing with your junk all the time. Get some boxer briefs and you’ll be happier. I am partial to the ones from Banana Republic.
- Get pants that fit. I’m a proponent of slim pants… but if your pants are actually tight in the crotch, you’ll never be comfortable.
- Keep it dry. If it’s hot out, or you have a general sweat issue down below… think about investing in some powder. It’s a little old school, but worth a shot.
There you have it. So, go forth and treat your balls and those around with with the respect they both deserve.